Call me crazy, but next Thanksgiving I think it would be cool to be the first in line at Wal-Mart on the night before Black Friday. And when the doors open and the crazed, inhuman mob pours over my limp ragdoll body, I’m just going to close my eyes and play dead awhile. And I’ll keep playing dead until the camera crews arrive. Then I’ll jump up, do a Tebow, and proclaim it a holiday miracle. When I tell my inspirational story on the talk show circuit the next morning, people will believe it truly is a holiday miracle because my middle name is Lazarus and what are the odds of that, right? And when Lifetime makes the movie of my story it will be even more authentic if the real Tim Tebow played my part, because God knows nobody can Tebow like Tebow?
Picture by Shaun of the Dead (2004) / Words by Me.
Why
would I go to such extremes to spread my tale of Black Friday inspiration, you
ask? Well, I guess it’s because people
at parties always tell me I’m real good a playing dead. Just wait. You’ll see.
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