Guy Freibahl on Truth In Advertising

Guy Freibahl asks and answers:

"Is America the greatest nation the planet has ever seen?"

Why, sure it is.  Call me partial, but where else do corporate executives have the brass marbles to so elegantly weave together marketing ingenuity with creative truth in advertising as in the good ole US of A?

With a little money, a big dream and some true patriots on your side in the FDA, USDA, and Congress, the food & drug industries can package and sell foodlike products that nobody else would even dream of marketing.  It is the epitome of thinking outside the box.

Picture it with me... true corporate trailblazers retooling a tired, old product for a vibrant, new generation:

Got Cyanide?  The other white compound.  It's what's for dinner.

Pure, All Natural Cyanide.  Earth's answer to life.

Available in original Powder or now in convenient new Tablet form!

Mother Nature's cure for gullibility, blind faith, and overpopulation.

With the enticing aroma of almonds but no pesky aftertaste.

Try Cyanide Today!  All Natural!  100% Pure.

Cyanide ... It's from the Earth.

* Full payment required in advance.  All sales final.

Picture from WickedWitch1970

Picture from StockFreeImages.com

Only in America can corporate ingenuity transform an ancient, worn-out stereotype into a sexy new trend.  Now, if we could just get rid of those job-killing, socialist regulators and their eye-straining fine print disclaimers that nobody reads anyway we'd truly realize the promise of full liberty for corporate personhood.

AMERICAN CORPORATE CAPITALISM:  Harnessing the greed of the few for the good of the few more for over 200 years!

What a country!

Guy Freibahl on Original Intent

Where would America be today if Supreme Court Justices Scalia and Thomas applied their theory of Originalism to the 2nd Amendment?

It could've been madness in the streets.  Imagine the scene.  Minutemen and citizen militias on every corner bearing muzzle-loading black powder muskets.  Thank goodness they only defer to original intent when it suits their ideology.

Whew, America really dodged a bullet with those rulings.  
 

Photo source: National Park Service

 

Guy Freibahl on Pleasure vs Procreation

"If sex with yourself was as satisfying  
as sex with someone else 

Photo from stockfreeimages.com

There would be a whole lot fewer of us 
around to enjoying either activity."  
- The World According to Guy Freibahl

Guy Freibahl's bright idea #1

Guy Freibahl's Bright Idea - Black Friday Inspiration:  

Call me crazy, but next Thanksgiving I think it would be cool to be the first in line at Wal-Mart on the night before Black Friday.  And when the doors open and the crazed, inhuman mob pours over my limp ragdoll body, I’m just going to close my eyes and play dead awhile.  And I’ll keep playing dead until the camera crews arrive.  Then I’ll jump up, do a Tebow, and proclaim it a holiday miracle.  When I tell my inspirational story on the talk show circuit the next morning, people will believe it truly is a holiday miracle because my middle name is Lazarus and what are the odds of that, right?  And when Lifetime makes the movie of my story it will be even more authentic if the real Tim Tebow played my part, because God knows nobody can Tebow like Tebow?   

  Picture by Shaun of the Dead (2004) / Words by Me.

Why would I go to such extremes to spread my tale of Black Friday inspiration, you ask?  Well, I guess it’s because people at parties always tell me I’m real good a playing dead.  Just wait.  You’ll see.